Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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