Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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