Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
