i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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