I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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