well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
