4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
