I cannot find my penis.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
