My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
