During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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