worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I didn't notice because vodka
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
