do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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