i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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