Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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