just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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