just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
