I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
