Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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