if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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