even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
