but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
