wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
