I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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