dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
