Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
