I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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