come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
