I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
