Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
