I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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