if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we're so committed to being not committed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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