I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
