Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
