She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
