oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i believe in u and ur pee
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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