I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
