Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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