you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
