so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
