We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
