Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
