You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
