Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
