You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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