turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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