Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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