omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
