I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
