I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
