Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
