I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
handjob tips. give me some.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
