You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
