I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
