Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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