you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
