Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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