bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
